Frustration

Tuesday night in the Town Hall with C, only 5 of us last night. We went through the standing poses quite quickly with some added hip opening after Virabadrasana.

Seated postures were going well, my knee was cooperating in Lotus for a change, but alas C missed out Mari B & D, that was really frustrating. Backbend was not bad, though I find the carpet does not help, its too thick and hard to press down thorough and feel grounded in the hands.

So a practice that was good with what I did, but could have been more satisfying.

The work front is just as frustrating, the temptation to quit, have a break, go somewehere warm and do practice for a while is getting  ever more tempting. I dread waking up in the morning, knowing it will be same shit every day.

The jobs plus points are

1. Its 4 minutes walk from home

2. 4pm finish on Friday, which lets me go the the “L” shaped room.

The jobs detractions are:

1. You are made to feel that you have never done enough.

2. That however much effort you put in its not appreciated.

3. They move the goal posts so often, its impossible to keep up. But as the saying goes its their “Train set”.

4. I have had only 1 days sick leave in 10 years, what have I got from being honest and not taking sickies, nothing apart from being dumped on with more work cos they know I am reliable.

OK rant over, beam me up to a life worth living!

Rainy day

I was a little stiff this morning, especially in my knees after last nights practice. I walked to the town to shop and look at laptops. I envy “I” when we travel as she sits there surfing the net via her wifi. I have been coveting one of those nearly weightless Sony Vaio TX jobs, but boy are they expensive! I got caught in a storm as I walked home, lightening and hail and the roads turned into lakes, got home soaked, despite taking cover in a newsagents at one point.

I practised this afternoon, trying to stretch out the aches and just taking my time. A nice practice with even Mari D with my bad right knee my fingers bound, yay!! What I don’t get is why I can’t do this with my good, left, knee in Lotus, one day.

I like to do some preparation for backbend, going backwards down the door and doing half moon, before laying back, breathing in, making Dena’s bowl, feeling my footprint, then pushing up into the posture, which at home again were good, well for me they were.

Practice finished just in time for the soccer results, my team lost, oh well. I would swap promotion for Marichyasana D and a Sony Vaio TX!

“what a lovely afternoon”

After a frantic dash to the “L” shaped room train, I relaxed in my seat listening to Kate Bush’s Aerial as we chugged through north London and those words came into my ears “what a lovely afternoon”. At last back to my practice, but feeling I have to make the most of each practice until my sanctuary closes in March.

I didn’t get much time to warm up before we began, Surya A‘s were good, but began to flag a little after the 4th B. You know that thought that comes into your mind about “do I want to be here?” Well yes I did, I have longed for my practice since returning from Istanbul and once we started to do the postures my mind had the clearness to enjoy the practice, though the words of the song kept popping up. Considering its 2 weeks since I had practised at this level I was really enjoying it and even Utita Padangusthasana happened in its wobbly way.

After vinyasa to seated Easter turned the lights out and we practised with just the little light coming in from outside and the candles at the feet of the buddha’s dotted around the room. Its a wonderful atmosphere to practice in, so easy to be “in” the practice, consumed by its own energy and happiness. Despite all the hip opening I have been doing my right knee had been quite painful in Ardha Badha paschimottanasana and also Janu A & B, I will never get C if I live to be a 1000! So I was a bit worried as we started the Marichyasana sequenece, A was good, wrist bind, B was ok, C was good, I like C! And a total shock after going a good way into D with left knee in Lotus, a total shock as my right knee relaxed and I found myself in the full posture, Easter just joining my fingers, but instead of being behind me, she let go realising I had the posture on my own, yay!!!

The next revelation was Supta K, though my fingers didn’t actually bind, they did touch, I know I have lost a little weight (Which I am now getting back) but its ages since my fingers have touched and I think with adjustment I could have bound them. But just the touching made me happy, little things make happy minds.

By this stage the vinyasas were taking their toll, I was very tired, but was determined to finish my practice. I could have done with some warm up before Urdva Dhanurasana, but up I went and they were ok, not as good as the ones at home, but I was tired from the intensity of the practice. The only blip was Sirsasana, I just could not get up, I think my stomach muscles are so weak just now from the coughing, there was no stability, despite Easter trying to “catch” me as I went up it was never going to happen.

But never mind, it was so good to be back on my mat in this special place. I wish I had the money to buy it to keep it open. But it was a lovely afternoon, well evening.

Where will we go?

My practice thoughts were tempered by an e-mail we all received last night which said that the “L” shaped room, aka Sangam Yoga Centre will be closing around March as the owners have decided not to renew the lease to G & E who run this lovely yoga place. Where will we go, there is mention of Brixton, but that’ too far and too awkward to get to for me. It’s such a shame that this oasis of yogic calm in busy South London will be no more. I will miss the workshops, but most of all I will miss the Friday night counted practice with Easter.

I really hope they find another space and keep the teachers, though I doubt Sangam’s ambience can ever be replicated, it’s a unique place, which has given so much to so many over the past 8 years.

Practice after this last night was stilted, I just did the seated postures and lots of hip openings, these really need some work. Urdva Dhanurasana was really good again, maybe my practice needed a break???

Tonight, trains permitting, its to Sangam, to practice under the gaze of the candle lit Buddha’s, listening to Easter’s gentle count. I will make the most of the few precious Friday’s we have left. And if any of the Buddha’s are homeless I will take them in.

Back at last

I sat on my last night mat, I was warm and at last felt able to practice, so I sat there no longer and decided to do practice, however it came out, whatever happened. I took it really slowly doing 5 A’s and a couple of B’s. The standing postures went ok and I was far more open than I thought I would be, though my calfs were very tight. In the Prasarita’s my hips were very uncomfortable as I went forward. But the practice was just about “doing it” and it made me happy just to be practising.

I did seated postures up to Supta K, very slowly, there was no flow last night as I kept having to have little rests, my energy is not there yet, due to hardly having eaten in a week and most of what I have eaten has returned itself. I did a lot of hip openers before going into the Marichyasanas, A B C were ok, D will take longer, it seems to have regressed a few months. I went surprisingly deep into Supta K, considering its been two weeks, but the half a stone I have lost probably made it easier!

Was getting tired by now and I didnt want practice to fizzle out, so went to backbends, after doing some warm ups and Ustrasana I was amazed to find Urdva Dhanurasana happened so easily, my arms straight on number 2, though my left arm seems to have lost some strength.

I only managed Shoulderstand, Halasana, Karnapidasana, I was wacked out, but happy, I knew enough was enough for my first trip back to my mat and relaxed in Savasana.

It’s good to be back.

A small beginning

Saturday I walked into town and back, its only a ten minute walk,but it wiped me out, I slept the rest of the day.

I slept well last night, but all the coughing has upset my stomach to the point that I cannot face food, just soup and that just for the sake of having something. Today I e-mailed E to explain why I wasnt there Friday night , she e-mailed back saying I had made a good decision, I knew in my heart it was right but I was disappointed not to practice. So today I tried to do some seated postures and hip warmers to try and undo them and make lotus possible when I am well enough to get on my mat again, my hipes are just sooooo tight, but the warm ups worked quite well, I did some forward bends which for some reason seem to relieve some of the pressure in my guts. So I hope these small beginnings will lead me back to practice, though how long this infection will take to go away is anyone guess. I am loathe to go to the doctor and be fed antibiotics, my stomach is in a bad enough state already, I want my body to heal itself, but not take forever

Friday

I have decided not to make the journey to the “L” shaped room this evening. I have not had a nights sleep since Monday with this secondary chest infection and am tired, I have no energy and practice would not be what I want it to be. I know all practice is good and that you shouldn’t judge ones practice in that way. I am disappointed and a little frustrated that I cannot take part in the two best waking hours of the week, when my mind is absorbed in the sanskrit counting.

I just long to be warm, and as the rain hammers down outside I really don’t want to be standing around on a south London station late at night, shivvering. Hopefully over the weekend I will feel better and will be able to practice.

The Lurgy

Before I went to
Istanbul I had a cold, when I departed I had a cough, but was otherwise fine and enjoyed my time in a beautiful city. On the flight back while spending 4 hours breathing in other peoples reconstituted air I seem to have added a chest infection to my cough, which has left me tired, shivvery, coughing and unable to find the energy to touch my toes. After practice on Tuesday, see the previous entry, I came home and laid on the floor. On Wednesday I tried to practice, but feeling like crap with tight muscles it was never going to happen. Tonight I did some sun salutations and Trikonasana. I am so frustrated, I love my practice, it was deep and satisfying before I left, now I feel like I did as a beginner, my muscles screaming. I knew after a week of walking I would need to do some practice, but as I type I can see no way that my body is going to allow me to do the Counted Practice at the “L” shaped room tomorrow night. 

Hard!

I had a feeling practice was going to be hard and I was not wrong. My muscles must have contracted so much with all the walking around Istanbul, I could barely touch my toes in the Surya’s and my hips were way too tight for anything involving Lotus.

I was pretty tired anyway from the travelling the previous day, but I also feel a bit under the weather, tired, no energy. I survived standing postures. I just did not have any strength to do jump through vinyasa, cannot believe how much I have regressed in a week without doing practice. I couldn’t do Upavistha Konasana or Supta Konasana. I was longing for the practice to end, for Savasana.

I somehow did Urdva Dhanurasana, but not well, the effort it took was unbelieveable, there was nothing there, no lightness, no strength, no energy. Savasana took too long to come and I was almost nodding off. Oh well it’s a start, though with this elvel of energy I can see no way of doing the Counted practice on Friday, they would have to carry me to the station afterwards and throw me on the train!

A weekend in Istanbul

Six days without getting on my mat, my yoga being reading YJ, but the break has been good, the time spent exploring a great city, my mind being occupied by some exquisite architecture, good food and good company. I was last in
Istanbul 10 years ago, in the depths of winter. Well it’s the beginning of winter now, but we had some bright if chilly days to wander. We took a trip on the Bosphorus down to the edge of the
Black Sea, climbing up to the castle of
Anadou Kavagi, then sailing back past giant Russian Petrol tankers, I just hope they manage not to spill any and spoil the wonderful scenery.

The city had so much to offer our hotel situated between the Hagia Sophia and the stunning Blue Mosque though when they both called the faithful to prayer at 5.30am we wondered if it was such a good idea booking the place, though the view from the terrace on the roof was stunning! Hagia Sophia STILL has the same scaffolding as 10 years ago, will I live long enough to take a photo of the beautiful interior roof I wonder. We enjoyed the underground Roman Cisterns, which now have nice walkways instead of the slippery wooden boards.

My only gripes with my break were the absolutely stupidly ludicrous rules regarding liquids in hand baggage when leaving the
UK. My 250ml bottle of water was taken off me by the zealous security people, then I bought a newspaper and was given a free 1 litre bottle which I was allowed to take on board the plane. Coming back the queues to get through passport control at Ataturk airport were a lesson in patience, for shiny new airport the systems for moving people through were third world.

Well tonight its back on my mat, that’s going to be hard, but I know I need to do it, its my minds sanctuary for the rest of the year when its not absorbed in a wonderful place.