Beginning of the end (of me?)

waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh, boooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooo, waaaaaaaah.

After another shit week at work, making the daily twin mistakes of waking up, then getting up, at least I always had the consolation of getting to Friday and my yoga practice, which made life worth living. Tonight we got the dreadful news that the Shala owners are going to stop the class after Easter. I always knew it would come to an end someday, but I never expected it quite this soon, if we are honest I suppose it was becoming inevitable with dwindling numbers, it obviously does not fit into other peoples lives as well as it does for me. There are 2 more Fridays between now and the end. I know its my problem that those 2 hours have become the only sunshine in my life and I really meant it when I commented that its the difference between getting on the train and jumping in front of it some weeks. Life after 21st March is not going to be the same, there will be a massive void and I fear a return to the dark days of feeling like there is no point, the treadmill of sleep, work and sometimes getting in the door at 5.15pm and just giving up on life and going back to bed. If anyone knows a good practice on a Friday evening in London let me know. My practice has improved slowly but surely over the last 2 and a bit years with having access to a brilliant teacher and the class I needed to find at the time and continue to love.

Practice tonight felt weird after the news, my mind continued to talk to itself about the future of my practice or more likely the lack of it. It didnt start to connect with it until I got adjusted in Trikonasana, rest of standing were quite good and open. I found myself trying harder as we went into seated, a feeling of having to make the most of it while it was there. It was going OK until I forgot about my neck and started Setu Bandhasana, as soon as I began to lift I soon remembered the crick, aaaaahhhh.

Closing were not bad, managed 3 backbends and Sirsasana with the half way and back to vertical, my mind was engaged in practice by then and not in thoughts. I had tears in my eyes as we chanted the closing mantra though as my mind was saying you only get to chant in this room 2 more times after tonight.

I’m sad for losing what has become the most enjoyable thing I do every week, I am amazed at how something so challenging and physically difficult can get under the skin on layers far deeper than just the physical, my spirit is broken I’m going to bed

Temptation again

Outside of the usual drudge at Nepotism UK Ltd, I help run another organisation, where I get to deal with all kinds of people from writers, mailing companies and printers. The printers delivered the latest job yesterday, but there was an intriguing second box, which when I opened it contained a large tin of chocolates they had forgotten to send me at Christmas, I thought a bunch of printers would have eaten them in 2 months. So after getting rid of all the Christmas stuff I find myself diving into another box of tasty morsels, though I had only “tested” a few chockies  last night when I couldnt bind my wrist in Marchyasana C. That’s twice in a week chocolates have appeared and said “eat me!”

Practice last night was a one hour sprint. I like to try to do most of the postures on a Thursday so they are not quite such a shock to the system during Friday Counted practice. Standing were ok, I did most of seated up to Supta Padangusthasana, though with only the odd vinyasa thrown in when I felt the need to re-align. I did a few closing poses, though am saving my neck and its annoying crick for tonight so didnt risk Setu Bandhasana, Matsayasana etc.

At least there is no train strike and I will hopefully get to practice tonight, my brain and body need that space and “me time”. Tomorrow I get to take my Mum to see the Terracotta Warriors in London, I saw them in their Chinese home over 10 years ago, but it will be nice for my Mum to see them and for me to see them a little closer up. 

Quake asana

Well alledgedly and according to the TV, the UK experienced a 5.2 earthquake at 1am this morning. I never felt a thing, it certainly takes more than the earth having a tantrum to wake me up from my second most favourite part of the day after yoga, probably why I rarely manage to wake early enough in the mornings to practice.

Practised when I got home, Surya’s and most of closing, well lots of backbends, but with the crick still plagueing my neck I missed Matsyasana etc, but at least playing with handstands gives me a substitute inversion for headstand, I did try shoulderstand and Halasana very carefully. I can turn my head a little further to the left today and its not as painful, who would of thought sleeping was so dangerous. This is the second time I have woken in agony after going to bed feeling fine. Last year it was the shoulder problem, which turned out to be a rib in the wrong, dislodged place problem. Its got until the weekend to feel better, otherwise I fear a trip to the massage lady is going to have to happen.

Giving in

I think I have been extremely good since last April, not only in avoiding wheat, but also dairy, and stuff made from dairy products. However yesterday lunchtime as I was buying my soup in Waitrose, there was this big stack of going cheap Aero bars, and I gave in and bought one. It was just such a temptation with a another crap afternoon at work looming.

Practice - That was modified yesterday to the Surya’s followed by all of seated and some backbends, I STILL have this poxy crick in my neck, which meant I sensibly missed out postures that put pressure on it. Could only grab my fingers when I came to bind Mari A & C for some reason, an Aero too far maybe! Because of WoYo I have been making a lot more effort to practice Titibhasana after both Bhuja and Supta K, its coming, my thighs are engaging, my arse is staying off the ground and it feels like I am gaining a modicum of control in the pose.

Urdva Vrksasana seems to have reached a plateau of progress, I think I need the workshop next month to take it on, but I’ll keep trying every day, it should be possible for me. The progress I have made already has been good, I would love to crack it before the Bali workshop in August.

The car – we found my Dad’s stolen car dumped in a side street.

Crick

Still have this crick in my neck. So practice ended up being standing, then seated up to Mari A. Gave my knees a night off and jumped to Navasana, Bhujapidasna, Kurmasana, Supta K, then closing. My back was not very open, I managed Urdva Dhanurasana, but not very bendy. I think other things on my mind were having their influence, my Dad’s car got stolen yesterday.

Some good news, Friday’s train strike has been cancelled, so at least I can get to practice. Also managed to book a couple of workshops.

Consistency

Late afternon practice, third day in a row I have virtually done a whole practice. I can feel the difference of having a consistent practice. No problems up to Marichyasana C, though I had just about managed Mari B, thought it sensible for my knees to modify Mari D, especially so I could enjoy the upper body rotation. Bhuja into Titibhasana is coming, I lifted up and had the control to use my thighs and semi straighten my legs, I am also having the feeling of being much deeper in Kurmasana and Supta K, but find that my left arm doesnt manage to get as far round the back as my right does, which is presumably why my fingers dont get to say “hi” to each other.

Treated myself to some openings (Ustrasana, Salabhasana, LV) before doing 3 good Urdva Dhanurasanas, is this cheating I wonder, opening the back so much, when all the updogs in the vinyasas supposedly do the job. I just know backbends feel a hell of a lot stronger and grounded, not to mention open and more pleasant, for doing some warm ups.

Though my left knee is still a nuisance, my right knee is coming along. I have a sports support that heats the knee as I practice, meaning when I get to Janu A, its painless, and the day after I don’t hobble round like a 90 year old!

Dolores is back.

I was just looking through the Sundays over my croissant and Muesli when I came across an article about Dolores O’Riordan, ex lead singer of Irish band The Cranberries. Surprised my music guru CJ, hadn’t mentioned that after being off the music scene that Dolores has come back with a solo album, “Are you Listening?”. From the tracks available to listen to online it doesnt sound bad at all. I always seem to find things like this by accident, or in the case of Beth Orton via CJ!

saturday

Couldn’t think what else to call this entry. A day of not much. Shopping, painting the kitchen this morning. Afternoon online, though disappointing to discover the ASLEF arseholes are going on strike yet again next friday, which means the precious practice will be stolen. The thought of that practice is what gets me through the week, the week seems meaningless without it.

I practised tonight, most of primary, though missed a few poses as I still have this crick in my neck. its getting annoying, may need to see massage lady to get it released. Apart from that a decent practice.

That’s better

It was oh so good to be at the Shala for the counted practice. It is the transition from the working week to life being worth the bother again. The asanas are not the point, its the quiet, relaxing calm it brings to my mind that really matters, its like being let out of a pressure cooker. Tonights practice was enjoyable, the postures seemed to come more easily this week and I definitely had more energy, maybe there is something to this full moon business after all. I seem to instinctively know when practice is going to be good, the Surya’s flow, my body seems to have more space and be less squashed, the muscles have places to go and less of the feeling like they are going to snap, the only hindrance was this sodding crick in my neck. Standing were ok except the balances which I have given up having expectations of.

Seated up to Mari C all happened, nice adjustment in Paschimottanasana, Easter helping my torso go way down my legs, she knows when there are spaces she can help you into. Almost got into Titibhasana from Bhuja, nice deep Supta K, my fingers can’t be far away from that elusive point of touching and managed to lift back up though not jump back. Closing were the best they have been in a while, good backbends and Sirsasana AND managed the half way thing for 5 breaths, though failed to get back to vertical as I went over the top, oh well never mind.

Practice finished all too quickly today, thats the best its been in a while, had the nice happy feeling as I went back out into the cold to catch the train home

A weekend of not much beckons, apart from finishing painting the kitchen and doing some practice.

TGIF

Friday at last, the end of another week of stress and crap. Moon day yesterday, so just did some hip and back opening to make sure I have a little openness for tonights Counted Practice. Practice is currently being hampered by the crick in my neck I woke to yesterday, turning my head to the left is painful, yesterday it was almost bringing tears to my eyes and dizzyness, today is a little better, but it wont stop me doing practice, though I may have to ask Easter to be excused Sirsasana tonight.

There’s just nothing much going on at this time of year, the days are the same, living in the sticks we have nothing to entertain us, apart from drunken teenagers littering the high street and a tiny cinema that its impossible to get tickets for. We have a German student at work, he’s been here a week, has seen the area, that didnt take long and now goes home to a rented flat to be bored out of his mind until its time for him to be bored in here the following day. Its going to be a long few months for him. Makes me wonder how I have lived here for 43 years, must be used to it!