waaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh, boooooooooo hooooooooooooooooooo, waaaaaaaah.
After another shit week at work, making the daily twin mistakes of waking up, then getting up, at least I always had the consolation of getting to Friday and my yoga practice, which made life worth living. Tonight we got the dreadful news that the Shala owners are going to stop the class after Easter. I always knew it would come to an end someday, but I never expected it quite this soon, if we are honest I suppose it was becoming inevitable with dwindling numbers, it obviously does not fit into other peoples lives as well as it does for me. There are 2 more Fridays between now and the end. I know its my problem that those 2 hours have become the only sunshine in my life and I really meant it when I commented that its the difference between getting on the train and jumping in front of it some weeks. Life after 21st March is not going to be the same, there will be a massive void and I fear a return to the dark days of feeling like there is no point, the treadmill of sleep, work and sometimes getting in the door at 5.15pm and just giving up on life and going back to bed. If anyone knows a good practice on a Friday evening in London let me know. My practice has improved slowly but surely over the last 2 and a bit years with having access to a brilliant teacher and the class I needed to find at the time and continue to love.
Practice tonight felt weird after the news, my mind continued to talk to itself about the future of my practice or more likely the lack of it. It didnt start to connect with it until I got adjusted in Trikonasana, rest of standing were quite good and open. I found myself trying harder as we went into seated, a feeling of having to make the most of it while it was there. It was going OK until I forgot about my neck and started Setu Bandhasana, as soon as I began to lift I soon remembered the crick, aaaaahhhh.
Closing were not bad, managed 3 backbends and Sirsasana with the half way and back to vertical, my mind was engaged in practice by then and not in thoughts. I had tears in my eyes as we chanted the closing mantra though as my mind was saying you only get to chant in this room 2 more times after tonight.
I’m sad for losing what has become the most enjoyable thing I do every week, I am amazed at how something so challenging and physically difficult can get under the skin on layers far deeper than just the physical, my spirit is broken I’m going to bed