Not as well as i thought

Friday’s appointment at the Hospital felt like a step forward with the quite good progress on the surgery, today with my GP felt like steps back. She says the surgery is healing ok, but she is quite concerned about my physical recovery. She said I may think I’m fine, but my body isn’t , the biggest give away is feeling wiped out and sleeping up to 12 hours at a time . I have always slept well but this is excessive and I could quite easily sleep during the day as well.

She says my body is trying to recover from a massive infection, surgery and 3 weeks of antibiotics by IV and tablets that have killed my stomach.

To stop me she has signed me off work for at least 2 more weeks, she’s told me to just rest, sleep if my body wants and to try and eat more and healthily to give me more energy and put the weight back on. I have never been a big eater and the stuff I do fancy to eat probably doesn’t come under the healthy list, so I’m struggling a bit.

Physically I’m not to push it at all, gentle yoga stretches is fine, a little walking, but to realise yet again just how bigger deal this was for my 46 year old 9 & 1/2 stone body. She told me this isn’t going to be a quick fix, to expect it to take 6+ weeks for things to get anywhere near back to normal.

This isn’t what I wanted to hear even if it was what I needed to hear, Kino in 5 weeks was my target, but that doesn’t look a likely or possible target now.

That said she is a new Doctor, very approachable who doesn’t try to get you back out the door in 2 minutes, she gave me far more information about the infection, why it got in and what effect all the treatment has had. She also wants to see me again before she will even think about letting me go back to work.

I know she’s correct about my physical state, but mentally it’s put me back being told. I am recovering, no doubt about it, but not as well and as quickly as I thought or hoped, this road looks like being longer than I envisaged. Think it may have to be another massage to lift my spirits or some retail IPad therapy,

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11 Responses to “Not as well as i thought”

  1. V Says:

    Kevin, buy the iPad and see this as “me time”. I know that you think of “me time” as yoga time pretty exclusively ;-), but sometimes it is nice to just veg out and let the body rest. Believe me, I’ve got the experience and this is one of these cases where slower is faster, if you know what I mean.

    • globie Says:

      Hi V
      Yes “me time” is mainly yoga because of the mental resting space it gives me as well as the joy and fun I find in the physical practice. I am finding it hard not being able to practice in the way I usually do and if you do ashtanga you know there is nothing like it and nothing to replace it.

      But I need to do what the Doctor told me and take it slowly and resist trying to push my recovery along. “slower is faster” should be my new mantra.

      My Mum told me to get one, but I am trying to wait for the new one , though my resistance is being broken down.

  2. Susie Says:

    You WILL get better, just probably not to your timetable. This is one of the worst things I found about being sick (and specially being in hospital) – the loss of control!

    In the meantime – I probably shouldn’t be tempting you, but this is a website I look at a lot here – http://www.facebook.com/l/41835;www.mactalk.com.au/. And today they’ve got a long review about a new game for the iPad which looks/sounds really great!”

  3. Helen Says:

    Hi Kevin, I am sorry you are feeling down and I am glad you have been signed off work, and that your doctor gave you the time you needed to discuss what was happening. What was the reason that you were waiting for the new ipad again? It would be good to find some things you could do for you as V said. For me that would probably be reading and watching films. You do not like your job so some time off could be a good thing?

    Ready for Kino…I am kinda glad your doctor said 6 weeks. I think you need to surrender. Your practice, whatever you decide to do needs to energize and help you heal. Now is not the time to strive and really that is what yoga is about. Yoga helps us to except things as they are and you are going through some challenging yet useful lessons.

    You practiced with Cary at the weekend it may have been highly modified but it was a practice and you enjoyed it right. By the time kino come around you will probably be much better, you may not have your bet practice, but that is not what workshops are about either. Aim to be there, aim to be good to yourself, aim to surrender to wherever you are, these are this worth striving for.

    As for the post title, well maybe you have a bit of perspective about your recovery but you are as well as you feel not a well as anyone else tells you, you are.

    If you need help with practice feel free to email, take care H.

    • globie Says:

      Hi Helen

      Practice with Cary was more about “being there” and asanas being just doing what was possible, though the heat and joy in there probably allowed me to do far more than I should have.

      Kino was a mental target, I’m glad in some ways the Doctor didn’t say 5 weeks. I hope it will stop the striving to be fit and back to my proper practice for Kino now and if I do go I just have to do what I can and enjoy being there, like on Sunday being surrounded by yoga people.

      I just don’t seem to have any energy, I expected the surgery to take longer to heal than the rest of me, but it seems like it could be the other way. This is the first serious illness in my life and it’s been quite a shock mentally as well as physically. I thought once the surgery was done I would be back to normal quite quickly, as I started from a fit and healthy place and to be told just how serious this was and how much damage it’s done to my system has really been hard to deal with.

      I have 3 series of The Wire to watch, I’m not a great film lover and I finally finished Guruji, though holding books, especially heavy ones like that is a problem, my wrist has a half chapter limit.

      My mum is another who reckons I should get the iPad. The reason for holding off is that IPad 2 is supposed to be out soon with a camera for Skype, and it may mean a good drop in price of the current version if I went with that. I am tempted now though as I can’t use a mouse and keyboard ( doing everything one fingered on my iPhone ) and having a bigger touch screen would make life a lot easier just now.

      Thanks for keeping in touch, I don’t feel quite so isolated now I can go to the shala but it’s good to have this contact in-between.

  4. Helen Says:

    Hi Kevin,

    Yes, it was a big shock, it all happened so quick. Sounds like your handling the shift in perspective really well.

    You could read books on the ipad if it is not too heavy for you, I guess you could have it on your lap or something anyhow. I have read a few books on my iphone. I find it really handy but obviously the small screen of the iphone means lots of page turning! Ipad would be great and you could order a book to read instantly.

    Do you really need to be able to skype with a camera? If you have an iphone 4 then you can use the camera on that for skype anyway. I think the iphone is better for skype because you can use it like a phone but for free. Marc and I stayed in touch this way when he was in London, free calls for about an hour a day which would have cost us a fortune otherwise. Neither of us had an iphone 4 so we could not use the camera but I know what he looks like!

    It is up to you if you wait or not but if you do wait make sure it is for something you need. Yes you may be able to get it cheaper in the future but it seems it would be handy to have it now, if you can afford it. Being ill has probably saved you some money? Re, the practice, whatever you do, I suggest you do less than you think you can, your body needs energy to heal right now.

    Take care, H

    • Globie Says:

      Hi Helen

      Although I had the same nurses caring for me I never seemed to see the same Doctor twice in hospital. I was getting bits of information which would get contradicted and they never had time to go into it. Although it wasn’t what I wanted to hear at least my GP found time and laid out my situation so I now fully understand and can mentally come to terms with it.

      Books on iPad would be good, I find the small screen on the phone a bit eye straining after a while. I have IPhone 3. I know what you mean about knowing what the other person looks like anyway on Skype. 

      I can afford it and it would be good now with not being able to use a laptop or pc. My index finger is suffering “App abuse”!

      Practice needs to be less, if I use energy doing that then it’s not available for my recovery

  5. Pat Moore Says:

    Look at the bright side: you’re still off work!

  6. Ursula Says:

    Dear Kevin,
    Trust in your body. The body has a lot of healing power. Sometimes the body needs time. Of course I wish you fast recovery.

    Cordially greetings. xo Ursula

    • globie Says:

      Thanks Ursula. It’s going to take longer than I hoped. I must be patient and not try to push, I need to use my energy to heal and not so much for practice .

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