The Heat is on

D-day is nigh, but the fears and doubts persist. Am I making the right choice, following my heart and not my head. Giving up a safe job, though a job I long ago stopped enjoying, to finally go to Mysore when the company relocate next month.

The pro’s
Company new place is an hourly (if it turns up) bus ride and £2K a year to get to. I can’t see it lasting especially in winter.
The extra hours travelling each day will eat massively into my practice time.
The job is a big part of why I feel so down so often.
I need a break, it’s 16 years since I had one.
Being so sick earlier in the year made me think I need to take more care of myself.
I need to want to wake up more than 1 day a week. Many days it seems I give up on life being worth the bother.
Doing something for myself, or is this a mid life crisis?
Mysore it feels like now or never.
My practice means so much, surely it’s right to spend time on it while i can.
A situation closer to home, which is only going to deteriorate & take more and more time.
I have the funds, but am worried about committing so much.

The Con’s
Am I crazy to give up a job in this economic climate, even one I hate that is suddenly going to cost me £2K a year to get to and 3 hours travelling a day instead of the current 10 minutes
I am 46 will I get a job when I get back?
Will life feel like worth living after, or is this just a dream, will everything just be the same, but with no money coming in?

I never thought I would ever want to go to Mysore and to be honest wondered what’s the point when I have some great teachers here, even if I only see them once a week. But as my practice has developed over the last few years and I talked and practiced with senior Teachers and have asked them if I should spend time with them or go to Mysore, every one of them has told me to go to Mysore if my circumstances permit.

If I don’t go I know in years to come I will regret it and be resentful and probably continue on this downward spiral of depression just getting through each day without having lived, but merely existed until one day I don’t wake up and it’s all too late.

I need to resign and start to live or resign myself to a life I don’t want.

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14 Responses to “The Heat is on”

  1. openingslowly Says:

    Sounds like you’ve already decided with that last line…

    I say go, you never know where it will lead.

    Is there a way of asking for an unpaid sabbatical from work? – Once you’ve decided to resign anyway there is no loss asking…

    lots of love to you about this one, I am always getting myself in to dilemma’s and know how uncomfortable they are.

    namaste, S

  2. Bibi Says:

    I say go, go, go! My father-in-law apparently used to always say “always change a losing game” and we live by it, me and my husband. When things don’t work I’ve always packed up and tried something different. I saw my mom sticking with a job she hated and it’s not done her any good at all. Happiness is so much better than safety – or at least that’s what I think. Good luck, here’s to you being happy!

  3. daydreamingmel Says:

    Kevin you’re not seriously debating this are you? I’ve known you for a year and a half and you have been talking about your company relocating and you going to mysore since day 1. And I don’t think I’ve ever known anyone who seemed to hate their job so much! So I don’t really think you’re even considering staying…

  4. globie Says:

    Hi S,

    I know I want to and know it’s the right thing.

    I know they won’t go for the sabbatical as 3 have asked in the last few years, one as recently as last night in fact and all he wanted was to add 2 weeks to the enforced Xmas shutdown to visit family in India.

    Thanks for “Liking” you are the first to ever tick.

  5. globie Says:

    Hello Bibi

    “Happiness better than safety”, lovely comment

    Mel,
    “Like” number 2 thank you. No I’m really just trying to justify it to myself I suppose. I know once I can send the online application and get the confirmation the whole mindset will change.

  6. daydreamingmel Says:

    actually i clicked it by mistake, sorry!! if you know you’re going to go then there’s really no need to justify it to yourself, or question it, you analyse too much! just go with your gut.

  7. globie Says:

    “Liked” in error, like it!
    Mel, You know me, Analyse everything before committing to anything, I’m not good at just going for things, even when my dodgy IBS ridden guts tell me it’s a good idea.

  8. susiegb Says:

    Kev – these sorts of decisions are always up to you, the individual. It’s very easy for us sitting on the sidelines to tell you what you should do (I have an overwhelming urge to do that myself!)

    But all I can say is if/when you actually make the decision to go, going on my own experience I think you’ll feel such a relief. I quite understand all the negative thoughts coming up. I’ve been the same! But on a personal level I completely agree with what Bibi says – it’s so much better to just let go of a bad situation and choose a better one. Of course you don’t know if you’ll find a good job/situation when you get back, but there aren’t any certainties in life! I have always found that saying ‘One door closes, another opens’ to be really true in my life, even though it’s hard to believe when you’re in the ‘door closing’ stage!

    And if you don’t take this chance to go to Mysore, you will probably always regret it/wonder what would have happened if you’d gone.

    Good luck – see I couldn’t resist giving advice … 🙂

  9. globie Says:

    Hi Susie,

    You are right it’s my decision, but no longer being young and carefree makes it hard to commit. Being older means seeing the pitfalls & possible consequences. I have talked about it for 2 years, but now it’s nearly a probability rather than a dream for the future reality bites.

    I think it’s more fear of the return to civilisation than the going if I’m honest, having to come back & re-establish my security.

    Dena was one who told me to go.

  10. D Says:

    I was in a similar situation two years ago, stuck in a job I hated, in an industry I couldn’t have cared less about, all with a 3 hour return commute everyday. Every morning I had to tell myself “one day closer to leaving”, to get through the whole chore of turning up. It was bad. After much hemming and hawing (filled with logical questions like what you have here) I took the plunge for Funemployment 😉 And it was the best thing I could have done for myself and my marriage. I also did it because I can – we have no financial obligations or children, if I didn’t take the leap then I would never have done it. Think of it this way – how many other 46 year old men out there today have the privilege of actually making a lifechange and following their dreams? Go for it Kev, I have a feeling you won’t regret it 😉

  11. Liz W Says:

    Going sounds like a good choice. Best of luck!

  12. Maria Says:

    go. do it. embrace the adventure.

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