Since that email I have practised twice, the first was one was tired and my mind was elsewhere (Mysore), though Monday practice has always been a struggle. Today was much better, when my mind shuts up and is “in” the practice the whole thing flows, heat is generated and after an hour I arrive at closing. Good UD’s, 3 safe dropbacks. Time for Tea.
I read something today about how we need to give ourselves permission to do things, put ourselves first, often it’s something we really want to do, but won’t acknowledge, especially to even our nearest and dearest. How often we are held back by feelings of responsibility, self worth, confidence in our ability to do whatever it is , fear of what others may think.
After reading that I realised that it was the email from Mysore that mentally took the shackles off and made me able to give myself permission to do something i have spent 3 years dreaming about, to finally take the initiative. Not just to be registered by them, but to do what I want, to make the leap of faith to start to enjoy living instead of just putting up with life, to put me first. My mind has a new sense of freedom, it’s planning the next 6 months, looking ahead, that’s something I have been trying not to do in case the “project” got stopped before it had started, so avoiding some of the perceived disappointment. I can now get rid of some of what drags me down, especially the main thing. There are other responsibilities that I can’t jettison so easily at home and of course I am still a Director of another Limited Company and have to arrange for someone to handle that while I am away or put it all on hold, which isnt an option with the 150 people who turn up to the meetings every month.
I have been mentally released, but now have a list of things I must do or arrange above the
Ticket, done the ticket yay, now for Visa, Accommodation type stuff.