I posted the following words on FB and it generated a lot more reaction than I was expecting.
I’m bored with Bhekasana, I’ve been stuck at this stupid asana for 4 years, maybe I should save £20 and stay in bed on sundays !
It’s taken a lot of work to get back to where I was pre fracture, pre surgery, pre rehab, then last years little Op, but since last September time or there abouts I’ve been able to do my given practice through to Bhekasana, binding the binds again on my own and having the stamina.
During all the rehab practice had a purpose, I could literally see and feel what it was doing for me mentally as well as physically. I kind of hoped or expected practice to start moving along again, but it hasn’t, it’s become more of a mental challenge to do it now than physically to plod through.
I do Bhekasana and think “is that it”, if Bhekasana is to be my lifetime Ashtanga plateau it’s a bit of a crap one. Practice has ceased to have it’s feelings of challenge, satisfaction or fun that it had in the past when L was adding postures on when I was just getting the hang of the previous one.
Yes I know it’s not about collecting asanas, but practice has lost it’s purpose, a reason to work at it, I finish and it’s like “that’s done”. It’s on the daily to do list, no longer because I want and look forward to doing it, but because at nearly 52, it feels like something I need to do to maintain the creaking system. I don’t want it to be like that.
Not that I want to stop practising, but more what’s the point of Shala practice when I’m feeling like I’ve stopped progressing and don’t get anything out of it apart from a leg occasionally held up in UHP, a squash in Paschimot if someone’s passing and an assist with the aforementioned Bhekasana before backbends and heading for the closing room. I can do it without really having to make the physical and mental effort it used to need, I can feel I have energy left. Its like I’m no longer working towards anything and I’m pretty much left alone because I can do everything I’ve been given. Perhaps they think I’ve gone as far as I’m going, which is fine, I have absolute respect for L, H and everyone else who has taught me, but if that’s the case maybe I would be better off ditching the travel stress on Sundays and just ploughing through at home.